[You have mail! Like, an actual handwritten letter. The address on the outside of the envelope is in careful block letters, to 'Jack Morrison', at the farm. The return address leaves out a name but it's the location of Lion House, so it should be no surprise who the letter is from.]
[Can Jack at all imagine how many revisions this went through before Fareeha actually sent it? The answer is; a lot. Finally, however, she was able to fish through her disjointed and unfocused emotions to come up with something coherent that struck to the heart of the issue.]
Jack,
I have since gotten in touch with my mother 'again', which means the last thing she knew between us before she left was I was in no mood to talk to her and the first thing she knew between us when she reappeared was that I was in no mood to talk to her. I am absolutely shattered by this thought, this reality. Months we worked on our relationship and we were finally healing that gap but in that moment your appearance and the reveal of your lies damaged what had been. You knowingly put her in a position that would harm everything we had gone through.
I know that you couldn't have known she would leave, or return, in such a short amount of time. What I want to know is, if you had known, would you have done it any differently? If you knew this was going to be the outcome, would you have told me, or have allowed her or encouraged her to tell me? I'm committed to trying again, with her, but I need to know from you; was it worth it?
[Yeah, guess who isn't really about writing letters. Hint: this guy. He's a little put off by the fact that she seems to be blaming him for her rocky relationship with Ana, but it's a complicated issue that he's not sure he wants to tackle over snail mail or communication devices. She'll know he's received the letter when she gets a text message in return:]
I think you're missing the point. Not interested in hypotheticals. You know where to find me if you want to talk.
[It is complicated, and if he thinks she's blaming him then she's not getting her point across either; it's hard to write when she's still this hurt, but these are people she'd thought she had lost forever; however mad she might be, she still wants them in her life.]
[Which is why she relents. She's tired of being angry and bitter, and while she's far from fine, she's at least willing to talk.]
Be there shortly.
[Although in reality she'll take her time; longer than a direct route but not so long as to be irresponsible. When she arrives she knocks on the door, a couple smart raps, and then stands with her hands clasped loosely behind her. She's almost in a parade rest; Certain habits that were held over as a coping mechanism.]
[Jack is in the other room, but he makes his way to the kitchen, allowing Fareeha to let herself in. He's had some time to prepare since receiving her text, and there's hot water on the stove for tea (because this is, predictably, a tea household). When she enters, he's sliding a mug across the table to her, an invitation to sit.]
[Fareeha glances at the mug, taking small comfort in the fact that it's pretty generic and not one of the ones she'd gifted him the last time she was here. She slides into the chair, and curls her hand around the mug and pulls it closer, looking up at Jack. She's hesitant and wary, but she's here.]
[She pulls in a breath and lets it out slowly, looking down at her
tea and relaxing slightly. They'd be able to focus on just them, then. She
looks back up at him.]
So, you got my letter.
[She wasn't sure where to start exactly; she'd asked him a question
and he hadn't wanted to answer in hypotheticals. How did he want to answer?]
[He raises his eyebrows a little--of course, she's just trying to get the conversation rolling, but she wouldn't be here if he hadn't texted her the alert that he'd received her letter. Jack's shoulders slump a little, like he already knows she isn't going to enjoy what he has to say.]
But I'm not sure I have an answer you'll like. [Or an answer at all. What matters, however, is that there seems to be a fundamental misunderstanding at play. None of this was ever about Fareeha, specifically, not the way she seems to be taking it.] This was never a conspiracy against you, Fareeha.
No, I know ... [There is a difference between knowing and
understanding, though, and as much as she can tell herself she knows he
didn't mean any personal offense, she still feels she had a lot to lose in
this situation and no control over it.]
[She's quiet, she wants to choose her words carefully, to answer
intelligently and not emotionally because that won't solve things ... but
the longer she hangs on to silence, the more her thoughts get in the way;
those creeping feelings of failure, of never being able to measure up. He
didn't tell her because he didn't trust her and he didn't trust her because
she was never able to prove herself to him. Right or wrong, her worth is
still tied up in what he - in what all her heroes - think of her, and in
this moment she feels it's nothing much.]
In our last mission together, Khalil told me my team is my family, and that
it's something my mother knew. I was able to get that with Helix. I wished
i could get that with my mother here, but I never will; there will never be
room for me between the two of you.
There are other decisions you made here I don't agree with, but as for my
mother, I guess ... I was jealous, and I shouldn't have taken that out on
you.
[His voice and expression soften, at that, shoulders sagging a little.
Jack loves Ana, of course. Cares for her deeply, in ways that he can’t even begin to articulate in normal human terms. It’s the natural result of being so completely entwined with someone for the better part of three decades, a sort of indescribable bond forged in shared experiences on both figurative and literal battlefields. He wouldn't trade it for anything.
Still, he knows it pales in comparison to what Ana feels for her daughter. Jack doesn’t have his own children to know what it’s really like, but he thinks he can sort of guess, based on what he knows about Ana. It's enough to answer Fareeha with conviction--he'd never be able to come between that.]
She loves you more than anything, I can promise you that.
[She goes quiet and still, looking down at her tea. She didn't doubt that Ana loved her, but she was looking for something else. Maybe she's asking too much. It's been a lot to process; having spent several months getting to know her mother again, and on top of that having to add Jack into the mix. She settles back against her seat and turns her mug a little.]
Is it bad if I was hoping for something else? [Her voice is soft, she's focusing on the mug now, and there's a finality to it; it's not a question she means to be answered.] I want her to be proud of me because of who I became, not just because I'm her daughter.
And you -- [She gives him a little side-glance; he's not off the hook yet.] why did you feel the need to hide?
She is. She’s proud of you. This isn’t about how competent or trustworthy you are or aren’t.
[Jack isn’t sure what else he can say about this—if Fareeha really and truly believes that there’s no place for her between him and Ana, well. He’s not sure what he can do to convince her. It’s something he hasn’t ever considered because he knows it’s objectively untrue.
As for why he hides, well. It’s more complicated than she understands.]
The attack on HQ—it was a setup. Someone wanted us out of the way. I stayed hidden because if they knew I survived, they’d use all of you to get to me.
[It's tough. It's a process. Maybe she just needs to hear it enough to cement it in her head after years of believing she never measured up. For now, though, she lets the topic shift; it's a shock finding out about Ana's departure and arrival, but she'd do what she does with all shocks; she'd adapt, and she'd press on.]
We're supposed to be able to get back home, right?
[At least, that had been the promise on the ship. Clearly it didn't shake out that way, but if Jack is anything, it's stubborn. He wasn't going to give up the charade so easily, not when there was still a chance. Keeping all of them at arm's length was important, even if they didn't let him do that.]
Apparently. [Her tone is soft, thinking about how her mother left but was brought back. This was the life they had to make for themselves. And these disappearances and reappearances were just going to have to become a way of life. It made the friends that remained and remembered that much more important - which made Jack's silence here that much maddening. She could have used his support, instead of having to question him and try to understand his motivations.]
[As in, it hadn't exactly been a choice, and Jack would have been more than content to keep it from everyone for as long as he could. He won't sugarcoat that much.]
Had a bad client on a security detail to Eosoros. Bit off more than they could chew. Got my ass kicked trying to save theirs.
[Embarrassing, really.]
Angela patched me up. Wasn't any hiding it from her.
She wouldn't have told me. My mother certainly wasn't going to say anything.
[It's hard to keep a bitter tone to that last comment; it still stings. But, she couldn't see finding out from any other person other than Jack. Reinahrdt, maybe, but if Angela was the only person he'd been worried about? She didn't get it.]
If we had known ... if I had known ... I could have helped. You could have called on me for assistance. I would have been there for you, Jack.
[She hefts a sigh and looks at him,] I still will, if you need it. I want you to know that.
That's not what I mean. She figured me out, then Jesse did. It was all coming undone, so I decided to tell everyone myself.
[While he had the chance to do so, difficult as it was. If Angela and McCree could see through his charade eventually, then the rest of them would do. Better to rip off the band-aid, as it were.
But there's still so much of this that Fareeha doesn't understand. Her insistence that she can offer assistance, while certainly kind of her, is misplaced.]
Isn't it? [She gives him a calculating gaze. This is absolutely not the Jack she used to know - the one she'd grown up with, who'd helped her become the woman she is today - whether he's aware of it or not. Somehow, with everything that's happened, he lost that. She feels it's her duty then to hold onto it tighter; to remind him. If that's really possible.] If I've learned anything in my life, it's that we're stronger together.
[She looks down at the tea, it's cold now, and she pushes it away before standing. Her fingers trail on the table top for a moment, lightly tapping while she finds her words.] You could at least let me try.
[This is not a road he'll drag any of them down, because it doesn't lead anywhere good. He already knows this isn't an answer she'll like, but it's one he has to give, so he has no problem putting his foot down about it.]
[She crosses her arms and gives him a harsh look - not too dissimilar to something he may have received from Ana on occasion.]
Are you choosing to ignore the fact that Reaper didn't target only you, when we were on the ship? Can you be so sure no one else is going to leave us alone in favor of you? [She's annoyed; she felt his way of thinking was dangerous, considering what they've all already been through. Choosing to shut people out from something like this - in a setting like this - seemed to her that he was content with creating a dangerous situation by withholding intel.] Whatever your fight was back home, it's not the same here.
Don't be stupid. [Don't get involved. Don't play hero.] He's not interested in you unless you get in his way.
[Why waste time with the rest of them when Jack and Ana are right here? The rest aren't important to Reaper, and terrorizing them will be more trouble than it's worth, he's sure that Gabriel knows that.
He can't deny it's a dangerous situation, but he's not particularly worried as long as everyone keeps themselves out of the line of fire.]
It is, because it's already happened. Maybe he doesn't care anymore, true, but to stand there and tell me it's my fault? [She bristles, leaning one hand against the table as she looks him dead on,]
He left me for dead, Jack, and if what you're telling me is true, he's not the only one I should be worried about. Maybe he's the only one who's here now, and maybe he's lost interest, but -- how dare you act like this hasn't effected me in any way. How - dare - you chastise me for trying to ensure something like that doesn't happen again in the future, or to someone who doesn't deserve it. I survived because I had help.
What do you want me to say, Fareeha? Yes. You've won me over. Welcome aboard. It's a suicide mission and we start tomorrow.
[Jack doesn't stand, staying right in his chair and matching her gaze with an icy stare of his own. He might be rejecting ownership of Overwatch, but it seems he can still turn a sort of stern coldness reserved for situations where compromise is not an option.
Again, she makes it all about herself and her worth as a soldier when it's all so, so much bigger than that. She's so desperate to prove herself to him that she doesn't think about what he's really trying to do, and what that would mean in the end.
She's so young, still.]
There's nothing I want you to do here but stay out of it.
I was dragged into it; neither of us have the courtesy of making that decision anymore.
[There was just something about getting in front of these people - of him, of her mother, of Reinhardt - that made her acutely aware of her faults and limitations. She burned with pride. She stands up straight and reaches up to rub her temples, taking a moment to compose herself. She knew she wasn't the only one Reaper had targeted, but she didn't get where Jack was claiming this was his fight when there were so many other people involved.]
We don't always get what we want.
[It's not something she wants, not like this, but it's something she feels inexplicably part of ow whether he cares to admit it or not.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Letter!
[Can Jack at all imagine how many revisions this went through before Fareeha actually sent it? The answer is; a lot. Finally, however, she was able to fish through her disjointed and unfocused emotions to come up with something coherent that struck to the heart of the issue.]
Jack,
I have since gotten in touch with my mother 'again', which means the last thing she knew between us before she left was I was in no mood to talk to her and the first thing she knew between us when she reappeared was that I was in no mood to talk to her. I am absolutely shattered by this thought, this reality. Months we worked on our relationship and we were finally healing that gap but in that moment your appearance and the reveal of your lies damaged what had been. You knowingly put her in a position that would harm everything we had gone through.
I know that you couldn't have known she would leave, or return, in such a short amount of time. What I want to know is, if you had known, would you have done it any differently? If you knew this was going to be the outcome, would you have told me, or have allowed her or encouraged her to tell me? I'm committed to trying again, with her, but I need to know from you; was it worth it?
Sincerely,
Fareeha Amari
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I think you're missing the point. Not interested in hypotheticals. You know where to find me if you want to talk.
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[Which is why she relents. She's tired of being angry and bitter, and while she's far from fine, she's at least willing to talk.]
Be there shortly.
[Although in reality she'll take her time; longer than a direct route but not so long as to be irresponsible. When she arrives she knocks on the door, a couple smart raps, and then stands with her hands clasped loosely behind her. She's almost in a parade rest; Certain habits that were held over as a coping mechanism.]
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[Jack is in the other room, but he makes his way to the kitchen, allowing Fareeha to let herself in. He's had some time to prepare since receiving her text, and there's hot water on the stove for tea (because this is, predictably, a tea household). When she enters, he's sliding a mug across the table to her, an invitation to sit.]
Make yourself comfortable.
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Is ... my mother here?
[Just so she knows what to expect.]
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[He’s thought about that, too, not wanting to be interrupted if they’re going to have a real discussion.]
Just us.
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[She pulls in a breath and lets it out slowly, looking down at her tea and relaxing slightly. They'd be able to focus on just them, then. She looks back up at him.]
So, you got my letter.
[She wasn't sure where to start exactly; she'd asked him a question and he hadn't wanted to answer in hypotheticals. How did he want to answer?]
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[He raises his eyebrows a little--of course, she's just trying to get the conversation rolling, but she wouldn't be here if he hadn't texted her the alert that he'd received her letter. Jack's shoulders slump a little, like he already knows she isn't going to enjoy what he has to say.]
But I'm not sure I have an answer you'll like. [Or an answer at all. What matters, however, is that there seems to be a fundamental misunderstanding at play. None of this was ever about Fareeha, specifically, not the way she seems to be taking it.] This was never a conspiracy against you, Fareeha.
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No, I know ... [There is a difference between knowing and understanding, though, and as much as she can tell herself she knows he didn't mean any personal offense, she still feels she had a lot to lose in this situation and no control over it.]
[She's quiet, she wants to choose her words carefully, to answer intelligently and not emotionally because that won't solve things ... but the longer she hangs on to silence, the more her thoughts get in the way; those creeping feelings of failure, of never being able to measure up. He didn't tell her because he didn't trust her and he didn't trust her because she was never able to prove herself to him. Right or wrong, her worth is still tied up in what he - in what all her heroes - think of her, and in this moment she feels it's nothing much.]
In our last mission together, Khalil told me my team is my family, and that it's something my mother knew. I was able to get that with Helix. I wished i could get that with my mother here, but I never will; there will never be room for me between the two of you.
There are other decisions you made here I don't agree with, but as for my mother, I guess ... I was jealous, and I shouldn't have taken that out on you.
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[His voice and expression soften, at that, shoulders sagging a little.
Jack loves Ana, of course. Cares for her deeply, in ways that he can’t even begin to articulate in normal human terms. It’s the natural result of being so completely entwined with someone for the better part of three decades, a sort of indescribable bond forged in shared experiences on both figurative and literal battlefields. He wouldn't trade it for anything.
Still, he knows it pales in comparison to what Ana feels for her daughter. Jack doesn’t have his own children to know what it’s really like, but he thinks he can sort of guess, based on what he knows about Ana. It's enough to answer Fareeha with conviction--he'd never be able to come between that.]
She loves you more than anything, I can promise you that.
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Is it bad if I was hoping for something else? [Her voice is soft, she's focusing on the mug now, and there's a finality to it; it's not a question she means to be answered.] I want her to be proud of me because of who I became, not just because I'm her daughter.
And you -- [She gives him a little side-glance; he's not off the hook yet.] why did you feel the need to hide?
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[Jack isn’t sure what else he can say about this—if Fareeha really and truly believes that there’s no place for her between him and Ana, well. He’s not sure what he can do to convince her. It’s something he hasn’t ever considered because he knows it’s objectively untrue.
As for why he hides, well. It’s more complicated than she understands.]
The attack on HQ—it was a setup. Someone wanted us out of the way. I stayed hidden because if they knew I survived, they’d use all of you to get to me.
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[Such as she would with Jack.] And, here?
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[At least, that had been the promise on the ship. Clearly it didn't shake out that way, but if Jack is anything, it's stubborn. He wasn't going to give up the charade so easily, not when there was still a chance. Keeping all of them at arm's length was important, even if they didn't let him do that.]
Didn't expect to be here so long.
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Why did you decided to come clean?
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[As in, it hadn't exactly been a choice, and Jack would have been more than content to keep it from everyone for as long as he could. He won't sugarcoat that much.]
Had a bad client on a security detail to Eosoros. Bit off more than they could chew. Got my ass kicked trying to save theirs.
[Embarrassing, really.]
Angela patched me up. Wasn't any hiding it from her.
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[It's hard to keep a bitter tone to that last comment; it still stings. But, she couldn't see finding out from any other person other than Jack. Reinahrdt, maybe, but if Angela was the only person he'd been worried about? She didn't get it.]
If we had known ... if I had known ... I could have helped. You could have called on me for assistance. I would have been there for you, Jack.
[She hefts a sigh and looks at him,] I still will, if you need it. I want you to know that.
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[While he had the chance to do so, difficult as it was. If Angela and McCree could see through his charade eventually, then the rest of them would do. Better to rip off the band-aid, as it were.
But there's still so much of this that Fareeha doesn't understand. Her insistence that she can offer assistance, while certainly kind of her, is misplaced.]
This isn't something any of you can help me with.
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[She looks down at the tea, it's cold now, and she pushes it away before standing. Her fingers trail on the table top for a moment, lightly tapping while she finds her words.] You could at least let me try.
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[This is not a road he'll drag any of them down, because it doesn't lead anywhere good. He already knows this isn't an answer she'll like, but it's one he has to give, so he has no problem putting his foot down about it.]
It's my fight.
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Are you choosing to ignore the fact that Reaper didn't target only you, when we were on the ship? Can you be so sure no one else is going to leave us alone in favor of you? [She's annoyed; she felt his way of thinking was dangerous, considering what they've all already been through. Choosing to shut people out from something like this - in a setting like this - seemed to her that he was content with creating a dangerous situation by withholding intel.] Whatever your fight was back home, it's not the same here.
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[Why waste time with the rest of them when Jack and Ana are right here? The rest aren't important to Reaper, and terrorizing them will be more trouble than it's worth, he's sure that Gabriel knows that.
He can't deny it's a dangerous situation, but he's not particularly worried as long as everyone keeps themselves out of the line of fire.]
This is not up for discussion.
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He left me for dead, Jack, and if what you're telling me is true, he's not the only one I should be worried about. Maybe he's the only one who's here now, and maybe he's lost interest, but -- how dare you act like this hasn't effected me in any way. How - dare - you chastise me for trying to ensure something like that doesn't happen again in the future, or to someone who doesn't deserve it. I survived because I had help.
Because people help each other, Jack.
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[Jack doesn't stand, staying right in his chair and matching her gaze with an icy stare of his own. He might be rejecting ownership of Overwatch, but it seems he can still turn a sort of stern coldness reserved for situations where compromise is not an option.
Again, she makes it all about herself and her worth as a soldier when it's all so, so much bigger than that. She's so desperate to prove herself to him that she doesn't think about what he's really trying to do, and what that would mean in the end.
She's so young, still.]
There's nothing I want you to do here but stay out of it.
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[There was just something about getting in front of these people - of him, of her mother, of Reinhardt - that made her acutely aware of her faults and limitations. She burned with pride. She stands up straight and reaches up to rub her temples, taking a moment to compose herself. She knew she wasn't the only one Reaper had targeted, but she didn't get where Jack was claiming this was his fight when there were so many other people involved.]
We don't always get what we want.
[It's not something she wants, not like this, but it's something she feels inexplicably part of ow whether he cares to admit it or not.]
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